Battlefields

Love is a battlefield, continued.

Battle 4, Scurvy: The Spanish have replaced all food groups with ham. Who needs fruit? We have ham. Who needs flavor? Just put some ham on it. Did you know that ham can be eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Did you know that all condiments can be replaced with mayonnaise? Potatoes, fries, sandwiches, eggs, seafood, rice. They can all be dipped in mayonnaise. Lindsay and I were reduced to harvesting sangria for fruit in order to avoid scurvy and beriberi.


Battle 5, Black lung: Well, not really black lung since we were not coal mining, but second hand smoke didn't sound like a good battle name. Apparently, truth ads have not made it to Spain. How the Spanish live so long is beyond my comprehension. Restaurants and bars have cigarette vending machines so patrons can purchase cigarettes to go with their tapas, and by tapas I mean ham smothered in mayonnaise. Taking your infant child for a stroll? Here, take some Marlboro's with you.

Battle 6, AP-7: This was the toughest battle of them all. Blood was shed, tears were cried, lives were lost. Well, insect lives. Lindsay and I made it out alive, but dehydrated, bruised, and with calloused feet and a head rash. The Autopista del Mediterráneo was thisclose to killing us.

• Europcar gave us a Chevy clown car with as much power as a Vespa.
• The car had a manual transmission.
  
• The traffic control cops pulled us over and yelled at us.
• We had to pay a 29384729 dollar fee to pass through each city along the way.
• Gas came out to over 6 dollars a gallon.
  
• Food was scarce, and so was water.
• Circles of death. Turnabouts with 2 lanes and 8 unclearly marked turnoffs. Turn left, which one is left?
  

American casualties: one hairdryer, two bank accounts
Spanish casualties: one Chevy clutch, 86 various insects

Love is a Battlefield

What better way to celebrate the unity of Native Americans and Pilgrims than to go to the land of Christopher Columbus? Exactly, I couldn't think of anything better either. So I over-packed my suitcase, grabbed my hat and suckered Miss Mercer into accompanying me to España, or as the Americans like to call it, Spain. I guess we decided it was too hard to pronounce ñ.

Battle 1, Hostal Acapulco: We arrive after an overnight flight from JFK to MAD to find that we did not consider the flight as night one and had booked the hotel for the wrong day. Lindsay and I find ourselves homeless and exhausted. After getting the evil eye from the receptionist, we checked out the building for other available rooms and found a nameless guest bedroom with an owner who did not habla inglés. Using my Spanish vocabulary that is equivalent to that of a 3-year-old, I got us a room for 40 euros.

Battle 2, Chocolate soup: Weather.com told Lindsay that Spain is 65 degrees. Spain is, in reality, not 65 degrees. A quick stroll through Madrid and the Royal Palace left us cold and hungry so we sat down for some té time. We had our hearts set on some good ol' fashioned green té until I came across chocolate on the menu underneath the coffee section. In my experience, when chocolate is in a coffee menu, it is most likely some nice Swiss Miss hot cocoa. We'll take two please. No. Not in Spain. Do not be fooled by false promises of nice liquidy hot cocoa. Do not be fooled when the server assures you it is a chocolate drink with milk. It is not. It is chocolate pudding melted into the consistency of soup. Resist the temptation. Even when they offer you churros for the dipping. Even when you use the salted nuts to turn it into fondue. Resist.


Battle 3, AVE: The high speed train of Spain. We had plans to take this train from Madrid down to Granada. It cost a bundle and takes 4 hours, but I'm told it's the best way to travel long distances in Europe. That is, until your Spanish skills from 10th grade lead you astray. I heard "cambiar" and "Granada," but I did not hear the "no." Not even when she said it English. They were doing construction on the tracks so people going to Granada, i.e. us, were suppose to stay on the train while people going to Ronda and some other place needed to transfer at Antequerra. We got off the train in Antequerra, otherwise known as, 100 km away from our destination. After being looked at like idiots by every train employee, none of which spoke English, and overhearing them all on the phone saying "... these girls got off the train at the wrong stop," they called us a taxi and sent us on our way. They were even nice enough to pay for our taxi ride.

Join me mañana as the war against Spain continues in the battle of Tarragona, getting angler fished by the AP-7, and avoiding scurvy, the black lung and clogged arteries.

Universal Health Care

The United States is the ONLY industrialized country that does not provide universal health care. Yes, even in some developing countries, government-funded programs offer medical, dental and mental health care to all eligible residents. This means that there are people in third world countries who have a better health plan than I do, as I do not have dental. I pay 1200 American dollars a year to not have dental.

Since it would be a waste of money to not take advantage of this amazing NYU sponsored health plan, I go to health services about once a month. I figure that comes out to about $100 a visit. I am still not getting my money's worth here, so maybe I should go skiing. I was always jealous of those kids who came back from spring break with cool injuries. You would think, as much as I fall, I would have broken something by now.

I recently diagnosed myself with tinea versicolor. It's like dandruff, but not on your head. Most commonly found on your chest and back, it is associated with hot, humid climates... and tanning. I am probably victim to the latter. I have a dime-sized circular patch of tanless skin on my shoulder and a slightly larger, nickel-sized dot on my chest. My skin has lost it's ability to produce color. How ironic. Treatment for tinea versicolor is simply to use an antidandruff shampoo like Head and Shoulders or Selsun Blue. Just to make sure this is what I had before I started my own home remedies, I went in to primary care to have it checked out.

It took about 4 seconds for the doctor to say, "Yep, you have tinea versicolor." I was told to stay out of the sun and use antidandruff shampoo. Staying out of the sun will definitley not be a problem, winter has come early this year. So far, my healthcare plan has been useless to me. I got a referral to see the dermatologist if my problem persists and I was given a depression questionaire. Ten minutes later, I have 10 sessions with the mental wellness counselor booked to help with my coping strategies. After another look at my records, I was asked to hop on the examination table for my temperature and blood pressure because the doctor thinks that the nurse who took my stats earlier might have made a mistake. Nope. No mistake. I have high blood pressure.

I am 24-years-old, I go to the gym four times a week, I do not smoke, I do not drink and I do not eat red meat. I have not had a hamburger in 10 years, I don't remember what soda tastes like, and I have high blood pressure. This probably explains my chest pain, irregular heartrate, tiredness and why occasionally my right eye has not been able to focus. Just another thing I can thank my dad for passing on to me. Thank you, dad, for the large calves that I cannot fit into skinny jeans or boots, thank you for the diabetes and the high blood pressure, and thank you for taking me to Chuck E Cheese and telling me it was Disneyland. Yes, I am still angry about that.

So to celebrate my skin fungus, lack of coping skills and hypertension, I ate 3 rolls of sushi and went to Urban Outfitters. I had a great day.

Time Traveling

In New York, they show these commercials for tourism to Williamsburg, VA, where one can explore the "new world" of early settlers and learn about the Revolutionary War, democracy, and the definition of the phrase "tourist trap." All those happy American families running around smiling and doing cartwheels convinced me to go and explore Colonial Williamsburg to see what all the hype was about.

All the shops sell the exact same items and all the "historical" houses are newer then the building I live in. They only claim to be on the original foundation, so basically, the whole town was built so they can charge a 35 dollar entrance fee. I suggest moving through the sites quickly and then head over to the museum. Definitely worth spending a couple hours there. Also not to miss is the Peanut Butter shop. Yum.

Home is where the heart is.

Things you learn when you live away from home, wherever that may be:

1. To do your own nails. There's no point in paying an asian lady for a pedicure when you can invest some quality alone time on your nails. In the long run, this is more sanitary and affordable.

2. The internet is your best friend. Invest in a good internet connection for emails, movies/shows, instant messaging, video chatting and web browsing. This is the best way to keep in touch with busy, faraway friends in different time zones.

3. You need a pet, or a plant. Research shows that individuals who feel needed are happier. It is human to feel the need to care for something, it makes you feel better.

4. Collect take out menus for all neighborhood restaurants, especially the ones that deliver. Cooking for one is just pointless. You end up with economy-sized leftovers and eat the same meal for the entire week.

5. It's ok to go out by yourself. Everything you can do with someone else, you can do by yourself. Go to the movies, go shopping, take a walk, read a book at the park, go to the beach, eat out.

6. To write letters, the old-fashioned way. When was the last time you found something handwritten in your mailbox?

Nylon

Great people get bridges named after them. Tappan is named after the bridge. Last week, Mr. Tappan Zee bought a 2003 Honda Civic Hybrid autographed by the Terminator. It was auctioned on eBay in order to help with the California debt (I think). So when I was asked to drive this piece of history to South Pasadena, I just couldn't say no. So I had my mom take me to our fine state's capital to pick up this work of art and drive it 500 miles to bring it to him.

On another note, my sister came home from her first week of college wearing these:

These are the reactions of family members and friends:

Mom - I have to put my sunglasses on.

Peter - Did you spray paint your shoes?

My sister's response - They're Nylon! Limited edition!

Peter - Did you buy those from Dr. Suess?
My dad's reaction - Those are blue.

Way to state the obvious, Dad.

This is what her tuition money was spent on.

An online survey yielded the following reactions:
Lindsay - Those are hideous.
How much does one pay for those god awful things?
Jillian - Those. are. ugly. So. ugly.
Kevin - I used to have shoes like that.
Really?

If you're tired, you take a napa.

Hunter Valley vs. Napa Valley

Accessibility - It takes about 2 hours to drive from Sydney to Hunter Valley and 1.5 hours to drive from San Jose to Napa. If you leave from San Francisco, it takes even less. So considering Napa's proximity to a major metropolitan area and I get to drive on the right side of the road to get there, this one goes to Napa.

People you meet - Steve and his technicolor jacket dominate this category. Napa Valley wineries, especially the big ones, employ people who can only be describe as snooty. They were also kinda lame. If I'm drunk and bored, we have a problem. In addition, my mother and I were accosted by a crackhead in Napa. One point, Hunter.

Price - Hunter Valley is free, they just hope that you buy wine. Napa Valley, on the other hand, charges 5-30 dollars to taste, and they still give you a dirty look if you don't buy anything. They also charge for "tours" of the winery. Seriously? Gary and Steve showed us their wine cellars for free. Hunter 2, Napa 1.

Food - In addition to being over the top, Napa knows how to cater to tourism. This includes overpriced restaurants and shops. With the abundance of cheese shops and entire stores devoted to olive oil, I might have to give this one to Napa. However, Hunter is home to this gelato shop:

I'm going to have to call this one a draw.

Wine: Wine is wine. Plus one for both valleys.

So let's recap, wine is good, technicolor jackets are good, Hunter Valley > Napa Valley, and gelato is Australian for delicious ice cream. Best Napa Winery is a tie between Castello di Amorosa for the awesome castle and Silverado Vineyards, where the lady was nice, the wine was good and the view was breathtaking. Now I have one week to drink the 8 bottles of wine that I bought before I leave for New York.